第938章 虎将海选
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陈公公见状上前接过催发竹简，递给王莽。王莽看了一眼崔发，示意平身，然后说：“崔爱卿但说无妨。”于是王莽说了前方斥候来报，汉军兵分两路，一路由王匡带兵攻打洛阳，一路由汉相李松带兵直逼武关。还请圣上定夺。
王莽听到汉军兵分两路的消息，眼前一黑，龙冠“咣当“一声磕在龙案上。陈公公眼疾手快，一把扶住差点从龙椅上滑下来的皇帝，尖声喊道：“太医！快传太医！“
朝堂上顿时乱作一团。大司马催发看着满地打滚的龙冠和歪在一边的冕旒，心想这十二串珠子摔得七零八落，怕不是什么好兆头。
半个时辰后，王莽在偏殿悠悠转醒，第一句话就是：“众爱卿...可有人愿领兵退敌？“
殿内安静得能听见陈公公腰带上的玉佩在发抖。
王莽的目光扫过群臣，平日里高谈阔论的儒生们此刻都在研究自己的鞋尖，武将们则突然对殿柱上的雕龙产生了浓厚兴趣。他的目光最后落在大司马催发身上。
崔发被这目光烫得一哆嗦，硬着头皮出列：“陛下...老臣以为，可举办‘新朝虎将’选拔大赛，重赏之下必有勇夫！“
“何为…虎将选拔？“王莽虚弱地问。
“就是摆下擂台，让天下勇士比武竞技，选拔将才！“催发越说越兴奋，”选出前九名封九虎上将，官拜正二品武将！”
王莽眼睛一亮，这主意听着比满朝文武装聋作哑强：“准了！三日后在未央宫前摆擂！“
长安城西市，告示牌前挤满了看热闹的百姓。一个满脸麻子的汉子大声念道：“‘新朝虎将’选拔大赛，不限年龄、不限出身，能举起百斤石锁者即可报名...“
旁边卖炊饼的老王头嗤笑一声：“这年头，能举起石锁的都去当土匪了，谁还来比武？“
三天后，未央宫前的广场上搭起了三丈高的擂台。王莽特意命人把龙椅搬到城楼上，准备亲自观赛。可当选拔开始，他的脸色就越来越难看。
第一位选手是个白面书生，上台先背了半篇《周礼》，然后表示自己精通“仁义之师“的理论。考官让他演示枪法，他拿着长枪把自己绊了个跟头。
第二位是个道士，自称能撒豆成兵。结果撒出去的黄豆被广场上的鸽子吃得干干净净，最后被一只愤怒的公鸽追着啄下了擂台。
第三位更绝，是个八十多岁的老头，颤颤巍巍地抱着一把青铜剑：“此乃家传宝剑，曾祖曾用它随卫青大将军打过匈奴...“
考官无奈：“老丈，您这岁数...“
老头一瞪眼：“廉颇七十尚能饭！老夫才八十有二！“说着就要舞剑，结果假牙飞出去砸中了台下一个小贩的糖葫芦架子。
王莽在城楼上看得太阳穴直跳。这时陈公公小声提醒：“陛下，您看那边...“
只见擂台西侧来了个彪形大汉，赤裸的上身刺着“精忠报国“四个大字——可惜“忠“字少了一竖，看起来像“精中报国“。他轻松举起石锁，然后表演了一套刀法，刀风呼呼，确实有两下子。
王莽终于露出笑容：“此人有大将之风！“
话音未落，那大汉突然刀锋一转，把考官桌子劈成了两半：“狗官！还我妹妹来！“原来是个来寻仇的。禁卫军一拥而上，七手八脚把他按在了地上。
中午休息时，催发满头大汗地跑来汇报：“陛下，上午共有一百二十八人报名，淘汰一百二十七人...“
“还剩的那个呢？“
“是个卖艺的，说只要能让他当将军，他愿意表演胸口碎大石...“
王莽气得把茶盏摔在地上：“偌大新朝，竟无一个可用之将？！“
这时国舅爷凑过来：“姐夫...啊不，陛下，臣倒是有个合适人选...“
王莽眼睛一亮：“快说！“
“臣的小舅子的表弟的连襟，曾在边关当过屯长...“
第二天，这位“关系户“就被内定为九虎之一。结果在授奖仪式上，那八十岁老头又来了，一激动假牙再次飞出，正好打在马头上。受惊的马把“新科将军“甩出去三丈远，直接摔进了煮绿豆汤的大锅里。
全长安城都知道了这场闹剧。茶馆里，说书人已经编出了新段子：“话说那王莽选将，选来选去选了个‘绿豆将军‘...“
七天后，当汉军的先锋部队出现在长安城外时，王莽站在城楼上，看着空空如也的擂台，终于明白什么叫“无将可派“。他转头问催发：“爱卿，现在怎么办？“
催发擦了擦汗：“陛下...要不，咱们要求新军将士必须报名。”
王莽仰天长叹，然后挥了挥手：“按照你说的办吧！”
这时一片枯黄的树叶飘落在他肩上。深秋了。
于是虎将选拔赛从民间改为军中。
王莽的军令一下，整个新军大营瞬间鸡飞狗跳。
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